Have you ever felt like you were the only one? Like no one else gets it? Maybe you doubt anyone would understand the struggle, the pain, the frustration. Maybe they’d label you and you’d forever be alone in life. If they only knew…
How many things can this apply to in life?!? So much pain and hurt in this world causes us to feel singled out, alone, to live in fear of rejection if others found out. Well let me reassure you…you are not alone! I don’t even need to ask what the problem is to know that I can honestly say that. Someone out there feels the same torrent of emotions that holds you in check with those around you. Someone out there has been through at least parts of what you may be facing even this very moment. It’s OK. We all have scars in our lives and if not, it’s likely we will one day. I believe these can be such powerful tools for kingdom building, if only we’ll allow our Heavenly Father to wield them as such. That said, I’m going to share a little of my pain with you. I choose not to live in fear, because I know that I have the support of some of the finest Christians you could know and because my Heavenly Father has shown me His love is bigger than the hate and hurt others can cause me.
In my life I’ve had a huge struggle with porn. It may be sinking in for you right now that I’m female…yep, we can struggle too. Most people see me as the “good little Christian girl” so they’d never think it’s possible, but I dealt with this issue specifically for 6 years before I really made any progress toward wholeness again. This is the kind of secret sin that Satan absolutely LOVES! He can use this in so many ways to tear us apart, to hurt those around us, to take us places we’d never dreamed we would ever go. Secret sins hold us captive and keep us distant from those that love us and would try to help us change, if only they knew. The only way to begin breaking those chains from whatever secret sins you’ve dealt with is to bring them into the light. I’m not saying blog about it. That may not be a good idea for you…who knows, it may be a bad idea for me, but the fact is you need another person to help you out. Think about someone that’s drowning, they need at least one person to throw them a life preserver, to haul them in and help them out. Could the you fall back in and find yourself drowning all over again? Sure! But that’s the beauty of a truly great friendship. Even if you’re so dumb that you allowed opportunity to fall back in, they aren’t going to say forget it and watch you drown. That’s where you’ve got to seek God’s wisdom on who to share with. Some people are just not the right choice. We all have had someone in our lives that was self centered and simply not a great friend, right? But if you can confide in a pastor, counselor(I started with a counselor), parent, roommate, dean or friend, it’s going to prove helpful. If nothing else it’s allowed you the ability to talk about something you fear, face rejection and hopefully find love. [Please -- be selective in sharing!] Maybe your issue has nothing to do with porn. Maybe you deal with a drug addiction, maybe you face depression or an eating disorder. The host of things we choose to keep hidden is seemingly endless, but God already sees and He longs for you to allow Him to heal. That healing can begin with finding a friend to share with.
I know this post is highly personal, I realize I may catch a lot of flack for it, perhaps be judged by people that should be the hands and feet of Christ…but all of that is OK. I’m not going to go hide in some corner, worrying about people “finding out about my past” anymore. That worry used to keep me paralyzed with fear, but no more. The reason I can say that is because I finally chose to face and confront myself, my sins. I’m a battered and bruised human, I have failed in various areas in life, God’s been faithful to meet my needs, even when I didn’t realize it and He wants me to be whole again. Will there be scars? Sure! How else can I share? Will He leave me still floundering in the water…waiting on a life preserver? No. That’s not His plan, my mess wasn’t His plan, but He’s going to use it and He’s going to use me. I love Him and hope you do too. Let Him work, let Him help you. You’ll have to understand that, on your own change can never happen.
2 Corinthians 12:8-9 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Hebrews 4:16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
Hebrews 12:15 See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled
1 Peter 5:10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
Romans 5:12-21 Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned— for sin indeed was in the world before the law was given, but sin is not counted where there is no law. Yet death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over those whose sinning was not like the transgression of Adam, who was a type of the one who was to come. But the free gift is not like the trespass. For if many died through one man’s trespass, much more have the grace of God and the free gift by the grace of that one man Jesus Christ abounded for many. And the free gift is not like the result of that one man’s sin. For the judgment following one trespass brought condemnation, but the free gift following many trespasses brought justification. For if, because of one man’s trespass, death reigned through that one man, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man Jesus Christ. Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for all men. For as by the one man’s disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one man’s obedience the many will be made righteous. Now the law came in to increase the trespass, but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, so that, as sin reigned in death, grace also might reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Ephesians 2:4-9 But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.